By Kunbi Korostensky

A painful divorce usually leaves people at the end of their tether.

This is understandable, considering the amount of energy that goes into making concessions, holding it together, and completely miss-managing your emotions.

Every life changes, wanted or unwanted, ultimately play a "roller coaster" on our emotions.
For the majority of people, ending a marriage is a huge step. Thus most people would rather remain in an unhappy marriage than leave.

If however, you find the courage to let go of an unhappy marriage or are forced into doing so, the following reasons can help remount your morale quickly.

1. You can have compassion for yourself. I'm convinced that when you got married, your intention wasn't to divorce at anytime.

Your primary reason for getting married was to share your life happily with your chosen partner. Even it didn't turn out that way.

None of us has all the answers or control over our lives, least of all, over the lives of others.

We can only learn to accept what we cannot change. When you made your vows, you alone knew what it meant to you at the time.

2. You can stop feeling like a failure, because you're not! Life is about learning and growing.

Don't get intimidated by statistics quota and let go of the image of fitting into a model.

You possess all the capabilities to create a great life for yourself even after a divorce! And don't you believe otherwise.

Failure only occurs if you give up on yourself. If you're still hurting, give yourself time to heal. Learn to forgive yourself and move on when you feel ready.

3. You can start celebrating your success as a free and wholesome individual.

As beautiful and fulfilling a great marriage can be, you don't require someone else to make you complete.

I once pointed out to a client that his wife leaving him could be exactly what he needed. This could get him to start thinking about his own needs and taking charge of his own life.

Sometimes people get sucked into their marriage and completely lose sight of their own identity. I am not saying that you shouldn't commit to your marriage.

Think about this for a moment: you had an identity before you got married and you still had that identity after marriage, so why give it up?

You owe it to yourself and deserve to evolve to your best possibility in your own time.

Sadly enough, most couples seem to forget this. Especially those who marry very young.

4. You can give yourself some credit for facing up to the truth and ending what was no longer fulfilling to you or your partner.

It requires true honesty and courage to "pull out the plug," face your chagrin and be consequent.

There are a number of people living in unfulfilling marriages, as a result of fear of being alone.

Evidences also show that some people remain in their marriage for circumstantial reasons or based on mutual arrangements.

Pat yourself on the back and feel proud of being strong enough to stand on your own. You now have a great time ahead of you. A time to get re-acquainted with YOU and your needs.

5. You can be determined to see this new phase as a time of "becoming".

Envisage your future as an opportunity to examine other exciting areas of life.

Have a sense of purpose and focus on making the best use of this period.

How many times have you taken a decision in the past quite uncertain about its outcome? Only to realize later on that it was one of your best decisions ever. This could be one of those times.

Who knows, you might even discover new values deeply hidden within you.

As you can see, viewing your divorce from the right right perspective is essential for your inner healing. This can help you let go of guilt and self persecution. The sooner you can begin to perceive yourself as someone of worth, the quicker you can relinquish the past. Thereby you can focus fully in the present to create a more fulfilling life.

Kunbi Korostensky, N.D., Psychotherapist and Certified Life Coach is specialised in supporting people in transition, turn the changes in their lives into invigorating joy and happiness. View her ebooklet Top 10 holistic Questions to Embrace Change and Grow at: http://www.embracingchanges.com/Books-and-Tools-to-facilitate-Changes.html or: mailto: kunbi@embracingchanges.com

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